Am I the only one who notices that women make the holidays happen? In other words, if women carried on business as usual and did jack squat in the holiday department, would the holidays even happen? (ooh, I just felt a Sex in the City Carrie rush when I posed that question – too bad I can’t rush to her closet and swipe those shoes!)

          As much as I’d like to think I married the liberated male (he’s liberated enough to watch me do everything!), our roles during the month of December scream of inequality. Oh sure he is supportive in his search for the perfect tree, and happy to strap it to the car and secure it in the stand, but after that I’m on my own. Well, that’s not true either. He’s happy to plant himself near the tree when I’m stringing lights so he’s readily available for the “hand off” before I whip around to the other side for the “pass off.” After that, however, I’m pretty much on my own.

          On my own to completely decorate our home, purchase 99% of all gifts, wrap gifts, mail gifts, prepare menus, purchase “holiday” clothing, coordinate the vast social calendar amongst our family members, bake, prepare appetizers for upcoming parties, hire necessary babysitters, have picture cards made of the kids, address and mail said cards, etc. And then he wonders why I’m exhausted and “not in the mood” (although that can be an incredible stress buster).

          For those of you working outside the home, you have to figure out a way to accomplish all these activities after work or on weekends when you already have a full calendar. Not to mention that you’re suppose to look drop-dead gorgeous at all holiday events, so emotional eating to get through the stress is no longer an option. Anyone want to meet me at Starbucks for some liquid speed – skip the half & half?

          As women, we put the pressure on ourselves to create the magic of the season. The holidays wouldn’t happen without women because men (and I know I’m generalizing here so don’t get yourself in a tizzy if you’re lucky enough to have snagged a different breed) just don’t care. They don’t really care if the tree doesn’t look like the one at Nordstrom’s. They don’t care if their java isn’t in a holiday mug. They don’t care that their living space doesn’t scream “December.” My husband’s high is pulling out his growing collection of holiday CD’s (how many versions of Deck the Halls can any one person need?) and making a kick-butt fire. The end.

          So as women we need to change what this holiday looks like --not only for ourselves but for the generation of women to follow. As a mother of two adolescent daughters I don’t want them growing up thinking the motivational saying, If it’s to be, it’s up to me refers to the holidays. Therefore, I encourage all women to abide by the following suggestions:

1.     Eliminate gift giving outside of your immediate family.

Truthfully, I did this last year but I didn’t write a newsletter last year to pass on this fab tip, so . . . Contact all the people who you buy “little” gifts for (gifts that still suck up your time and energy) and say, “The real joy of the season is to spend time with people I care about. I would rather spend an hour connecting with you over a cup of coffee, while walking, sipping the vino, (you get the idea) than time running around trying to find you the perfect gift. Would you be willing to forget the gifts this year and instead just spend some extra time together? If now isn’t a good time can we set a date in January?” Trust me, most people will be thrilled that they get to scratch a name off their gift-giving list. Plus, it will save you from having an out-of-money experience at the end of the month. If someone insists on bringing you a gift, accept it with grace. That was their choice. Yours is to spend time with them and eliminate pressure in your life. Don’t succumb and feel you must reciprocate. Buy their coffee instead. If they already have a gift it’s probably because they bought it half-price last season in anticipation of the yearly ritual and they want it out of the house.

2.     Buy more prepared food items.

Many of us can tell the difference between store bought and homemade appetizers simply by the way they look, but the Costco and Sam’s Club fiesta dip, sushi tray, smoked salmon, etc. are always empty by the end of the party. They’re tasty. People like them. Get over it. I’ve slaved over food preparation in the past and my food was delicious. However, I was spent before the party even got started and ran out of time to even file my nails.

3.     Say No to any activity that doesn’t excite you.

Remember, holiday parties and cookie and ornament exchanges are supposed to be fun. If you’re not having fun, blow it off. You don’t need to make up an elaborate excuse as to your whereabouts. A simple, “No, I won’t be able to attend, but I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful time” works wonders. If necessary, change the subject. If pushed, you can simply say, “No, the timing doesn’t work this year.” You’ll be thrilled the day of the event when you are home relaxing with cocoa reading a great book or watching “Miracle on 34^th St.” versus psyching yourself up to put energy into something undesirable. If you feel you “should” attend, remember it’s not nice to “should” on yourself. It’s okay to be missed. Draw the drapes if it’s a neighbor you’re avoiding.

4.     Put healthy food in first.

As someone who used to weigh 50 lbs more, I’ve learned that a balanced diet is not a cookie in each hand. Learning to treat my body with respect through the holiday season (which starts with Halloween in my house!) is the key to maintaining my weight. My rule of thumb: Put the good in first. I enjoy partaking in the sweets and treats that the holidays bring, but not until I’ve eaten three fruits and at least one serving of vegetables. When I want a treat, I simply count up my fruit/vegetable intake and if I’ve had enough, I go for it. I’ve “earned” my cookie dough. This also stops me from eating leftover cake for breakfast (I was raised in a family that counted streusel swirl cake and butter cookies as breakfast). Ironically, when I nurture my body, I don’t seem to crave as much sugar. I find that when I make good choices throughout the day, I’m more motivated to continue to make good choices. I can stop after a few cookies instead of mowing through the entire row.

When going to a party, I always eat my normal meals prior to the event. I’ve learned that if I don’t eat all day in order to bank my calories until later, I always overeat. After all, I’ve earned it, and “I haven’t eaten anything all day.” “The holidays only come once a year” mentality helped keep me fat for 20 years. Most goodies are available throughout the year. We don’t need to pack ‘em in as if they’ll disappear and never be seen again. If your item is only seasonal, buy extra and put some away for the New Year. Giving yourself permission to eat certain foods “whenever you desire” often helps you desire them less because we always seem to want what we can’t have.

5.     Purchase a pair of black slacks that make you feel gorgeous.

Every woman can find something to wear to a party if she owns a pair of quality black slacks – slowly replacing the little black cocktail dress (combination of aging population and parties becoming more casual). Even if you’re practical, this is the wardrobe staple to spend a bit extra on if necessary. If you don’t know your body type, find help. Our bodies all look better in straight cut, well-fitting clothes. If you need a bit more in the waist, buy the bigger size and have them altered. For what it’s worth, I have almost all my pants altered because my body shape often falls between two sizes. I wasn’t born with a large bottom, but I’ve got thighs that can go the distance. For an extra $16 you can look marvelous. If you happen to find a quality pair that fit you and are on sale, buy TWO. That is a gift from the Shopping Goddess. There will be a time when one pair is at the dry cleaners or has started to look worn. Never buy anything that you need to lose weight in order to wear. Never! Never! Never! If you own any of those clothes in your closet – purge them immediately. You’ll immediately feel “lighter.” If you’re watching your cash, keep in mind that a smile is the cheapest way to update your holiday wardrobe.

6.     Be grateful for all that you have.

When we’re busy aah-ing over what we have we are not looking at someone across the mall and wanting what she has. By focusing on gratitude, we shift the focus away from the things we feel are missing in our lives. Gratitude wards off jealousy. Gratitude helps us not to complain. If you’re feeling alone through the holidays, go volunteer your time. This is the quickest way to end the pity party. For what it’s worth, my life doesn’t resemble the commercials, magazines, and movies that portray the holidays as one big warm fuzzy moment. In fact, if I compared my life to the media’s version, I’d be on an anti-depressant in seconds. Just like the holiday wrappings after gift-giving, life is messy. It’s our inner spirit that recognizes that we need the messiness in order to make us appreciate and see the incredible beauty that surrounds us daily.

          Ladies, give yourselves the gift of time this season. It’s hard to wrap but easy to give if you use your voice to get your needs met and lower your holiday expectations. People who love you most spell love, T – I – M – E. I think I’ll go sit on the couch, listen to some holiday music and watch the fire.

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Articles may be reproduced with permission from Colette Carlson Communications.