How many of you were raised by parents who preached the importance of honesty only to turn around and buy you a "13 and under" admission ticket - when you were 15? A friend is currently struggling with the fact that her college age son returned home with a cigarette habit. "I've seen you smoke at parties!" was his snappy comeback when confronted. Her advice to "do as I say, not as I do" obviously went up in smoke. Years ago I read that teenage cynicism is often born out of adult hypocrisy which brings me to ask, "Are you walking your talk?"

           Whether you have teenagers, two-year olds or co-workers watching what you say and do, until your thoughts, words and actions align, you're out of kilter. Just like when a car is out of alignment and becomes more difficult and challenging to steer, being out of kilter saps your energy and takes you off course. So, how do you get back in alignment? This adjustment requires the three A's: Awareness, Asking, and Acceptance.

           Awareness: Start noticing when your thoughts, words and actions are incongruent. Your body will usually give you a signal if you tune in. You may feel like Winnie the Pooh and have rumblings in your tummy or you may just feel awkward and uncomfortable. For example, you may say that you and your partner have an open, honest relationship, but you're still sneaking in your latest Nordstrom purchases. You may say friendships are important but you're always too busy working or working out to nurture them. You may tell your teenager it's not okay to drive with someone who's been drinking, but he or she sees you and your friends slam cocktails before going out to dinner. Once you can recognize the discrepancies, you move on to the second A: Asking.

           Asking: You need to start asking yourself the tough questions. Why do I hide my spending from my partner? Why do I pay lip service to my friendships? Why don't I model the behavior I want from my child? The answers can be as individual as you. If you're the shopper, maybe you don't want to admit that you shop to fill a void in your life. Or maybe you don't want to admit that you're in a controlling relationship, so you hide your shopping bags to avoid a fight. If you're the person who never makes time for your friends, maybe you're avoiding setting boundaries at work out of fear of losing approval from your boss. Or maybe you no longer find common ground with your friends, and you're avoiding that discussion. What you don't acknowledge you don't have to change, which is why too many simply choose to veer off the road rather than face the truth head on. Yet, the truth leads to the third A: Acceptance.

           Acceptance: You need to accept the fact that you're human which means that you make mistakes, have fears, and aren't perfect. When you stop pretending to have it all together, you can ask for the help, support and guidance you need to begin making the changes you fear. When you accept that you're not perfect, you stop expecting perfection from others. When you accept that you make mistakes, you're more likely to forgive the mistakes of others. Acceptance gives you permission to be who you are, so you no longer feel the pressure to say or do something for the sake of your image or because you "should." This frees you up to walk your talk.

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Articles may be reproduced with permission from Colette Carlson Communications.