Still not happening? Perhaps it’s because your goals are based on “shoulds” rather than what you really want. For example, I thought that I “should” be fluent in Spanish, especially living in Southern California. And besides, I took Spanish I and II repeatedly in junior high, high school and college, even though I never managed to get beyond the basics. This “should” or expectation would randomly pop into my brain, my guilt would get the best of me and I’d order Spanish Language tapes. The problem? They never came out of the box.  

If you find yourself in a similar situation, it may be because your goals are “shoulds” rather than true desires. When your not absolutely clear about your own path, it’s easy to adopt what others think is best for us. Ask yourself, “Is this something I truly want or is it something others tell me would be good for me?”

You must own the goal.  Without ownership the likelihood of doing what it takes to make it happen is slim to none. You’ll eventually lose interest, motivation and desire, and you won’t end up feeling accomplished. How many of you have ever tried to lose weight or exercise because someone else wanted you to? Were you successful? Unless it’s a burning desire within you, you usually don’t follow through – you’re not really committed.

Still not sure if it’s a goal or a “should?” Ask yourself and write down the answers to the following questions to tell the difference. Why do I want to achieve this goal? How will my life be different if I accomplish this desire? How will I feel? Is this goal in alignment with my core values? What is it emotionally and physically “costing” me to do without?

These answers allow you to build an internal case for getting what you say you want. If you struggle to answer the questions, the goal is more likely to be a “should.” Scratch it from your list. For example, this process helped me determine that being fluent in Spanish would be lovely, but the “costs” were minimal. I knew enough to get by, and the time required would take me further away from other passions that held more meaning.

If you discover your goal is something you “could” do, rather than “should” do, here’s the final question to answer. “Why do I know that I’m going to succeed at achieving this goal?” Reread your responses daily to stay focused, increase your confidence and continue stepping in the direction of your desires.

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Articles may be reproduced with permission from Colette Carlson Communications.