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Toxic Takers: Survival Tactics to Handle Belittlers by speaker and author, Colette Carlson, MA Anytime you thrust a
group of people together for any length of time, whether it is work related or
family reunions, you come across a “toxic taker”. Others may label these
individuals vampires, bloodsuckers, dementors, or leeches given the fact they suck the life out of you! “Toxic” may
sound like a strong label to attach to your co-workers, friends or family
members but they poison your environment, and you need to take action against
them. Stop and think about it
for one minute. Do you know a toxic taker that you avoid telling your joys to
because you’re afraid of their reaction – bemoaning, bullying and belittling? Example: Something wonderful has just
happened to you either at work or in your personal life. You open up to them expecting
them to share in your joys and instead, the belittling begins. Beware The Belittlers!
Your accomplishments, your strengths and joys are yours and it’s natural when something incredible happens to you
that you would want to share your great news. However, the toxic takers in your
life are unable to handle your successes and one major reason is because they
feel it minimizes their own. Belittlers are afflicted with deep insecurities
and little to no
self-esteem. Example: You’ve just
received a bonus from your boss for excellent work on a project. You took the
initiative and went above and beyond the call of duty. Your hard work and
effort has brought in a windfall for the company and increased revenues. Your
employer has rewarded you either monetarily or with praise. As you bask in the
glow, you catch sight of your venomous co-worker making a beeline towards you. What
are some survival tactics to help you deal with these Toxic Taking Torpedoes? 1.
Be unavailable. Clearly there will be times when this is not feasible, but go
out of your way to stay away. 2.
Accept it. Accepting the behavior that is about to ensue doesn’t mean you
condone it. It means you know it will be coming and you accept the person as
is. You accept that they will perpetually be miserable, and it’s okay because
it doesn’t affect your outcome or happiness. Accept it but don’t affect it! 3.
Change it! By “change it” I don’t mean
change them, but rather change your behavior. Recognize that bitterness plays a
key role in belittling. When he/she immediately negates your work,
accomplishments or disparages what you have in your life speak your truth. Example: They say, “I worked just as
hard around here for years and no one has ever said that to me before!” or “I
don’t know why you’re getting preferential treatment, I knew more about that
than you did!” These comments are demeaning, and unproductive. Dwelling on these
remarks would only garner you pain and/or irritation. Instead, change it. Instead of looking hurt or
glum, your response back could be, “I’m getting the impression that you feel my
work isn’t valid (or the feedback undeserving). Is that the impression you
meant to give?” By
taking action in this manner, you’ve put the onus of the reply (and some fairly
quick introspection) on the side of the Belittler. They will most likely
stumble over a brief, “No, I’m sorry, I meant to say it this way …” What will
follow will be a watered-down version that will probably contain a compliment.
Just smile politely and say, “Thank you. I appreciate your remarks. I put a lot
of effort in it. Now I better get back to work,” and walk away. As
you reduce contact with toxic takers, learn to accept them and change your
behavior watch your own health and happiness improve. Articles may be reproduced with permission from Colette Carlson Communications. |
 
       
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