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"That's Okay" by speaker and author, Colette Carlson, MA “I know you
were looking forward to going to the conference, but we’re not going to be able
to send you this year,” Melanie’s boss explained. “Oh, that’s okay,” she
sheepishly replies. Later in the hallway Melanie runs into her colleague who
mentions an old friend called and now she won’t be able to join her after work
for appetizers and drinks. “Oh, that’s okay,” Melanie responds once again. Unfortunately
in both circumstances, Melanie wasn’t okay. Rather, she was left with
unanswered questions and feelings of self-doubt, sadness, disappointment,
frustration and perhaps even anger. This habitual, knee-jerk response may have
gotten her through an uncomfortable moment, but the negative feelings that
follow can last for days. So, what do you do if you’re a “that’s okay” person? Find
the courage to speak your truth in those situations. Why? It’s the only way to express
your true feelings, gather accurate information and gain clarity. For example,
when Melanie was told she wouldn’t be attending the conference, she should ask
how and why the decision was reached rather than making assumptions. She may initially
chalk it up to the company making cutbacks, but if she found out another
assistant was still attending, she might start doubting her own worth and value.
By simply saying, “Oh, that disappoints me. I’ve been looking forward all year
to this conference as it helps me grow my skills in this position. May I ask
how and why the decision was reached?” If her supervisor responds it was a
financial decision, Melanie should ask another question. “Is that a blanket
decision for all assistants in the company?” If it isn’t, she may dig deeper.
“What could I do to insure that I also get to attend future events?” The more
information she receives – by simply asking the questions she is already asking
internally, the more information she can gather to continue making wise
decisions in her career. Melanie can
apply the same tactics with her colleague. Rather than slink away with a
“that’s okay,” she can simply say, “Oh, I’m bummed. I’ve been looking forward
to connecting with you all week, and I even wore a cute outfit!” That’s the
truth, and it lets her colleague know how she feels. Melanie doesn’t have to
speak with an attitude, but simply speak from her heart. For all she knows the
colleague may say, “Why don’t you join us?” or “Can you make it work tomorrow
night instead?” The result
in both circumstances is that Melanie releases any pent-up energy surrounding
the matter and is free to get back to business. No longer does she have to
spend mind time trying to figure out the reasons, nor waste any time feeling
negative about the situation. It may take some time to break this speech crutch,
but “that’s okay.” Each time you risk and speak your truth the results will
reinforce you to stay on path. Articles may be reproduced with permission from Colette Carlson Communications. |
 
       
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