Listen with Heart

by speaker and author, Colette Carlson, MA

Do you listen to respond or do you listen to relate? What’s the difference? Responding is me-centered, and relating is we-centered. Responding demands attention, whereas relating pays attention.

For example, a co-worker approaches you and starts to talk about a new process she’s implemented to track her supervisor’s travel. If you’re a responder, you barely wait for her to take a breath before launching in to your own travel system. In doing so, you take the focus off her and shine the spotlight on you.

By contrast, if you’re a relater, you listen with an open-mind as your co-worker shares her method. You continue to allow her center stage by asking an involvement question such as, “What benefits have you noticed since implementing?” or simply acknowledging her accomplishment with a simple, “Sounds great!”

Since everyone’s favorite subject is themselves, a relating style of listening assists you in building those precious work relationships that get you noticed, open up doors and create future opportunities.

To create further connection while listening, relaters choose to listen with HEART.

H – Hush. When someone else is speaking, zip it until you are certain they are finished with their thought. Silence can be a powerful tool as it lets both you and the speaker ponder on what has been said.

E – Engagement. Create an immediate bond with others by using strong eye contact, leaning inwards to show interest, and silent nods to affirm agreement.

A – Acknowledgement. By providing verbal feedback in the form of an encouraging statement or question that draws out more information, you show appreciation for the speaker’s insight.

R – Review. By paraphrasing or restating the speaker’s thoughts, you seek immediate clarity and understanding, eliminating any future frustrations.

T – Tone. When you do respond to your speaker, keep a calm and even tone of voice. This insures that the message you are communicating gets through and isn’t diluted with any judging, emotional undertones.

A relater earns the reputation of being a great listener which creates respect, rapport and trust in the workplace. Have a HEARTfelt conversation with a colleague today and show how much you care.

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Articles may be reproduced with permission from Colette Carlson Communications.