Dealing with Difficult Co-Workers

by speaker and author, Colette Carlson, MA

Rather than choose to be clear, direct and assertive when a co-worker displays an annoying behavior, too often administrative professionals choose less effective options. Talking about the person behind their back (passive-aggressive) makes you look like either a gossip or whiner. Saying nothing at all (passive) can create dis-ease within you, and literally make you sick. It’s much easier to resolve these minor challenges by DEALing with them in the moment.

For example, let’s say you share a cubicle wall with a co-worker who daily has an endless stream of noisy visitors and unnecessary conversations that disrupt your concentration. Your co-worker isn’t a mind reader, and may have absolutely no idea how much it distracts you from your work. Rather than steaming silently and allowing this behavior to get on your last nerve, be proactive and DEAL.

• Describe the situation using facts. If you can’t put the situation into facts, you’re not ready to have the conversation. Facts are concrete, opinions are open to debate.
• Express your feelings. You don’t have to get touchy feely to communicate your feelings. Words such as “concerns, puzzles, or uncomfortable” work.
• Ask for what you want. When you only tell someone what you don’t want, you are still using contaminated language. Be specific and ask.
• Look for agreement or understanding.

Using the above example, here’s how you would DEAL:

D "When people drop by your cubicle throughout the day, I can hear most of your conversations.

E This concerns me because I find it difficult to concentrate on my work.

A I need you to keep your voices down or perhaps go somewhere else to talk.

L Do you think we could work this out?"

Making this DEAL allows your co-worker to know how you feel and make choices accordingly. If the behavior continues, now you can gently remind them of this prior conversation. If the situation still doesn’t get resolved, you can choose to have a conversation with a supervisor. However, by DEALing with the situation first, it will show higher-ups that you can be proactive and assertive before enlisting their support. And that is behavior that they’ll respect!

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Articles may be reproduced with permission from Colette Carlson Communications.