Following a presentation I’m often asked, “How do you become a motivational speaker?” I just shared my path with Entrepreneur Stories a site devoted to helping you become your own boss. Not only can you see how I landed in this incredible career, but you can read about those from all walks of life who decided to follow their passion. You’ll notice a theme in the stories whether it’s a techie talking about a new app or a professional organizer sharing her tips: Passion, Persistence and Plain old hard work. What’s your dream?
Motivational Speakers in the House!
January 24th, 2012
Even at my age (it will be raining later this week according to my knees!), there is nothing better than starting your day with a big hug and kiss from your parents. Well, I guess that depends on whether you like your parents, but mine rock. And if I really think about why I’ve become a motivational speaker, it’s because I was raised by two of the best motivational speakers on the planet.
Take my Dad for instance, still walking with a broad smile at 86 years old. Sure he no longer has the broad chest he did when he played professional football, but he still greets everyone he meets with a huge smile and something kind to say. This from a man who was nearly starved to death in a POW camp during WWII. Needless to say, we had no pity parties growing up in our family because nothing compared to what he endured and still he remained positive, outgoing and engaging. Do you let your challenges get in the way of your incredible positive potential?
My Mother at 76 still believes school is never out for the pro. Sure, she was a teacher, but her love of continual learning is outstanding. When she found out I was going to have my first child 19 years ago, she went straight out and bought a computer. Then she signed up for classes. “If I’m going to have a relationship with my Grandchildren, I’m going to need to be computer savvy.” She participates in 2 book clubs (she’s the oldest in both) to keep her current and sharp. She took on knitting a few years back and now has her sweaters in high-end boutiques. I could fill paragraphs more of all she has accomplished just since retiring. Are you reading the books or attending the programs you need to grow your life and business?
Now don’t get me wrong, our family was FAR from perfect. We fought, we had our issues, we had our crazy moments. My folks came down hard on me when I made really bad choices (feel free to use your imagination and it probably still won’t be as bad as I was!). Yet, they were also always there to support me on my path — every step of the way. I am so blessed to still have them in my life, and I give appreciation for them every day. My parents …. two of the original motivational speakers in my book.
They just packed their car, drove away and have left the house….but never my heart.
Who’s Lying to You?
January 18th, 2012
You’re being lied to. You know it, or at least you suspect it.
You’re surrounded by fakes, imposters, and liars. And it’s everywhere.
At work: A Montclair University study about lying in the workplace discovered: 91% of participants “believed lying occurs to some degree in the workplace.”
The top 10 lies included: to cover up a mistake, make themselves look better, avoid trouble/doing work or getting fired, get a promotion or raise, and reasons for lateness or absenteeism.
And you know it’s not just at work. Flip the channel or a newspaper and you’ll hear about “The Trust Deficit” over and over as candidates vie to get elected. AshleyMadison.com, the dating website designed for cheating spouses whose ads were banned from last year’s SuperBowl, hit 10 million members in 2011.
You’ve done it, too. Admit it. Overspending on the holidays so no one will know how hard the economy has hit you or because you feel guilty you haven’t honored the relationship over the year. Launching a new exercise or health program when you’re secretly saying, “I do this every year and it never works” or “this year it will be different” yet you do not have a focused strategic plan any better than the last several years.
And the worst lies of all? The lies we tell ourselves. The lies that hold us back. The lies that keep us from getting, doing or experiencing our best true selves. I know, I was a big fat liar, literally. 50 lbs overweight and making underwhelming choices.
So what do you do about it? As Gandhi said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”
If there’s one change I encourage you to make in 2012: Speak Your Truth. You can only experience true change when you become authentic, honest and compassionate with yourself and with others.
And I’m not just talking about talking. Think It, Speak It, Live It. Aligning your thoughts, words, and actions is the only way to create sincere and long lasting change.
I literally turned around my life in 3 years and gained more success than I ever dreamed by applying these principles. Join me – Lead the Truth Revolution, starting with yourself. I promise it will dramatically improve every aspect of your life.
Any other thoughts on this? Tell this motivational speaker your truth!
Make Your Word Gold or it Has No Value
December 12th, 2011
What is the value of your word?
One of my coaching clients recently hosted a direct sales party. If you’re unfamiliar, the get-togethers follow the Tupperware party model, but showcase everything from cooking tools to clothing, anti-aging creams to adult toys. Fifteen people said they would come, and eighteen more said maybe. Not wanting to run short, she made a full spread of appetizers, deserts, and drinks which she ate for the next four days. Why? Only three people showed up!
After apologizing profusely to the gal who dragged all her wares over to show, the conversation turned to how often people no-show after saying yes to a commitment. The party “salesperson” shared her colleague had eighteen party cancellations in two months. The hostess confessed she had missed a couple obligations recently and started to wonder if commitment karma was paying her back.
So, I’m asking you, what is the value of your word when it comes to invitations? Sure, we all have valid examples of times we had to opt out of a situation due to a true emergency. I had to cancel plans a week ago when my daughter totaled the car (she was blessed to walk away without serious harm). But I’m talking about the times when you simply changed your mind in the eleventh hour due to an inability to speak your truth from the get-go or because you realized you tried to tackle too much in one day.
Over the years I’ve surveyed many sales people, associations, networking groups, and hosts about this situation. Although each individual wishes they could have full participation, everyone vocalized they would rather get an honest answer or a “no” upfront, rather than a cancellation later. I’ve heard, “It seems no one keeps their word anymore. I understand things can change, even right before an event. At least have the decency to send a quick text or call that you can’t make it.” I’ve had meeting planners who held prime seats upfront for companies that purchased tables for an event, only to have them remain empty. Not knowing if someone would show at some point, they kept them available, rather than have people in the back move forward and claim a better view.
This lack of commitment morphs into a lack of credibility. It happens with political leaders and companies too, but let’s focus on what we can change – ourselves.
Reflect for a moment on who you keep your commitments with. If you keep your word to coworkers, your boss, clients, but let down the people closest to you, perhaps it is time for some change. If you say yes to everyone else but yourself, maybe it’s time to reprioritize your personal needs.
With holiday opportunities showing up at every turn, take the time to speak your truth. Remember, everyone is busy at this time. Is it any less important to keep your word just because you’re busy? Prevent the fall-out by being proactive.
Here’s some phraseology that might make it easier: “I would love to (fill in the blank), however I have a lot going on right now. I will try to come but don’t count on me”. Or “I’m overextended right now. How can I support you another way or another time?”
As you see all the glitter this season, remember to Make Your Word Gold. It’s the greatest gift you can give to yourself and others.
Any other thoughts on this? Let me know.
5 Ways to Stress Less Through the Holidays!
November 21st, 2011
Every year I send out an email around Thanksgiving about gratitude. Personally, I’m grateful I’ve learned to speak my truth in my thoughts, my words, and actions. Doing so has led me to stress less, laugh more, and enjoy what the holidays really mean to me – spending quality time with loved ones instead of all the other stuffing.
This is the time of year you see all kinds of articles on reducing stress—on blogs, magazine covers, and more. I find most of the articles are more about time management, organizing and prioritizing. The message – get it all done by being MORE …of something.
What I’m suggesting is identifying what you can do less of, rather than more of in less time. Here’s 5 ways I commit to letting go this year and focusing on what’s important. Join me!
1. Stop judging and stop apologizing. That means stop judging yourself…stop judging your guests, or your hosts, or anything else. Someone shared with me that a friend dropped the turkey on the floor taking it out of the oven. She cried all my hard work. Her guests consoled her while trying not to laugh out loud at the I Love Lucy scene in the kitchen. She spent the rest of the night apologizing for what happened, when in reality her biggest holiday disaster turned into one of her (and her guests) funniest holiday memories.
2. Make a not-to-do list – holiday style. If you’ve heard me speak you know this is one of my favorite exercises. For example, “I’m not going to make homemade (fill in the blank)” Buy it at Costco, Sam’s Club or your favorite grocery store. Last year my girlfriend hosted her first Thanksgiving of 25 people! When everyone raved about the gravy she sheepishly admitted (after hiding the containers in the garbage) that she bought it. She got high-fives from all the other women in the room – except her mother-in-law. Oh well, you’ll never make everyone happy. My other friend puts clean the floors before a house full of guests on her not-to-do list because “it’s going to get dirty any way”. Ask yourself, do I really need to do this? The better question is do you WANT to do this? If the answer is no, put it on the not-to-do list.
3. Commit to one. Whether that’s one stellar homemade dish, one special memory, one special holiday gift, or one special decorative touch…one small difference to focus on and enjoy while letting go of all the other stuff.
4. Go to bed early! Tell the truth. How many times did you go to bed at 1am, 2am, or later when you are about to throw a party or have a household of people. I’ve started saying, “they are not coming to see my house they are coming to see me…and if they are coming to see my house…well then I’ll be an example so in the future they can cut themselves some slack!” Remember, it’s about seeking connection, not perfection.
5. Choose gratitude. When you find yourself stressing, instead count your blessings. This is still the cheapest, fastest, way to remember why you’re doing it all anyway.
This may all sound easier said than done, yet small changes in your perspective this season can make you stress less, laugh more and enjoy the holidays. As I’m always open to learning and growing, share with me your best stress less holiday tip below.
The Power of the Name Game
October 20th, 2011
“You’re too smart to not remember his name,” are the exact words Harvey Mackay, founder and chairman of a $100 million company and author of six New York Times bestselling books, shared with me prior to a dinner engagement during the annual National Speaker’s Association Conference. His sage advice ringed with truth and reminded me of the power of the name game. I’m hoping you learn from my faux pas.
Background: Earlier in the day I was delighted to be included at an off-site dinner with some incredible speakers and authors. One of the gentlemen, I’ll call him Joe because that’s his name, introduced me to his son in the lounge about a half hour before we were leaving for dinner. While waiting for Joe and his son to show up in the lobby, Harvey asked, “What’s Joe’s son’s name?” I drew a blank to which Harvey responded with the above retort.
Big Fat Excuse: I could say that when I was introduced to Joe’s son I was already juggling two different conversations. You see, I originally went to the lounge to toast a dear friend and colleague’s successful book launch and while there ran into a pack of female speakers I adore. So, here I am with a champagne glass in my hand wanting to focus on my friend’s success when 3 other friends walked in with hugs and laughter. This is right about the same time Joe popped in and introduced his son. I could say I met over 20 new people that day during sessions and was already doing my best to remember names. I could say I’ve reached the age where I’m hormonally challenged. Or I could speak the truth.
Truth: I didn’t invest the time to play the Name Game.
Name Game Rules:
- Dial in. Stop whatever you’re doing and truly focus on who you’re meeting. Listen as if you’re privy to an unknown magical phrase that allows you to eat anything without paying the caloric price.
- Repeat. Use the person’s name as soon as possible. “It’s my pleasure meeting you (Name). I’ve been known to say, “Name, Name, Name” out loud while explaining to the individual it is my memory system.
- Associate. Is there something unusual about the name? I often help people with my name (some struggle) by saying, “Think of a collect phone call.” Do you know someone else with the same name? Perhaps a friend or a famous actor.
- Visualize. If someone shares the same name with another, I see the person I already know while I look at my new acquaintance. If it’s a word picture, I visualize the item with the person. For example, when I met Sita (pronounced Seat-a), I saw her sitting in a chair.
- Record. At a minimum, ask for a card. No card? Pull out one of your own and jot down the person’s name or text yourself the info. Trust me, you’ll be glad you did.
As an aside, I appreciate Harvey calling me on my stuff. Not only do I respect all his accomplishments, but he’s extremely generous and thoughtful. He was giving me a gift that I’m happy to receive. And by the way, Joe’s son is Brendan.
5 Truths Kris Kardashian Leverages for Success!
September 8th, 2011
Even if you despise pop culture, you’ve probably heard of the Kardashians thanks to Kris Jenner who landed her family $65 million in endorsement deals and TV shows just last year. This “momager” has made it her business to promote daughters’ Kourtney, Kim and Khloe incessantly. Reality shows, fragrances, make-up, calendars, books and as of August, Kardashian-themed boutiques in 400 Sears stores nationwide. Love ‘em, hate ‘em, what truths can you take away from ‘em?
1. Service builds skills. Before becoming a branding expert, Kris honed her skills as a Beverly Hills hostess (originally married to Robert Kardashian who became a household name while representing his friend O.J. Simpson in his murder trial) Brownie-troop leader, soccer coach, room mother and car pool driver. She claims that her ability to see a problem and fix it comes from her years in these roles, as well as, the ability to multi-task.
Whether it’s volunteering at a favorite charity, serving on a committee, organizing a party, or going on a child’s field trip, giving service enhances your leadership, organization, and communication skills.
2. Self-promotion is required. Too many of us believe that if you work hard you’ll get noticed, but the truth is everyone’s too busy to notice how hard you’re working. It’s up to you to toot your horn. Kourtney’s tweet, “I love NYC rain…except when ur trying to run around the city in major heels with your sisters wearing Kardashian Kollection for Sears!” is a bit obvious, but makes the point.
Look for subtle ways to bring up your talents, skills and abilities in a conversation. “When I was working on a similar project last year for (name drop, project drop, etc), I learned X. Have you found this to be true as well?”
3. It all starts with the ASK! When asked the secret of becoming self-made in a recent publication, Kris said, “If someone says no, you’re asking the wrong person.” And when it came to negotiating she remarked, “Ask for what you want. You’d be surprised – you just might get it.”
Even though I’m not crazy about the Kardashians, I couldn’t agree more with that statement. Remember, the answer is always no if you don’t ask. So, rather than get discouraged when things don’t go your way, regroup, do your homework and go ASK again.
4. Packaging and presentation speak volumes. When she married Bruce Jenner two decades ago, the 1976 Olympic gold medalist was $500,000 in debt. Kris had walked away from her marriage with no alimony and the newlyweds now had eight children between them. Although her husband was picking up a few speaking engagements for Fortune 500 companies, she claims he didn’t have a business card or press kit. So, given their financial situation, she got busy and made stickers of him crossing the finish line as his logo. When meeting with potential business contacts she would beautifully display his press kit she put together along with little Hasbro Bruce Jenner dolls and his Wheaties cereal boxes. Not unlike a party favor in year’s past, these visual takeaways left a lasting impression which made him current and top-of-mind.
How we dress, the words we choose to use and the materials we use to represent us (cards, proposals, letters, emails, power point presentations, and websites) are always communicating a message. What lasting impression are you leaving based on your choices?
5. Clear intentions bring peace of mind. Although you and I may not be comfortable with the choices Kris makes, nor many critics who say she is exploiting her children (her two youngest daughters Kendall and Kylie Jenner are up next), she owns her goals. According to the article in More magazine Jenner was quoted as saying, “My job is to take my family’s 15 minutes of fame and turn it into 30. I work hard. It’s a very rewarding feeling when I go to sleep every night knowing I did the best I could for my family.”
When you believe in what you’re doing and own your why, you can let go of other’s approval and simply speak your truth. How’s that for a reality check?
The Fortune is in the Follow-up, 3 Tips to Connect
July 29th, 2011
The fortune is in the follow-up is a line I’ve both heard and repeated many times coming from a sales background. And it’s true. Research shows it’s more effective to work with a client you’ve already established a relationship with, rather than go after new business.
But I’m not just talking about business when I speak of your fortune. To me, personal relationships in the way of family and friends are even more valuable. Yet, many of us get consumed by life and the follow-up drops down the list. We focus on what we consider to be more urgent tasks and never quite get around to it … or them — similar to that diet that was going to leave us svelte by summer.
No matter how good our intentions, without a plan to stay connected to everyone from your family to your friends, your colleagues to your clients, it’s just not going to happen unless you follow the 3 steps to follow-up:
1. Create a hit list you can access. Think through the categories of your life and figure out who brings you joy, laughter, opportunities, business or whatever you deem important. Who do you want to serve or support? Keep your list accessible in a notebook, database, spreadsheet, Facebook or LinkedIn group so it’s easy to reference.
2. Determine time-frames. How often do you want to reach out or see your peeps? This could be quarterly for some clients or weekly for a walking buddy. Is it once a year in the form of a birthday card to a distant friend or former co-worker?
For 5 of my girlfriends, it’s yearly and I deem our list “The Six-Pack” which shows how long we’ve been hanging (pre-wine). This yearly rendezvous began as a result of my discouraging them from attending my wedding. Unlike most women, I never dressed my Barbie’s as brides, nor wanted a big ceremony – only marriage and children. But, I compromised – the first of many. When I found out they were all planning to attend, I encouraged them instead to come for a long weekend following my honeymoon (he had to leave) so we could connect. Rather than leave it at, “This is so much fun we should do this again!” we committed to this happening, and we just got home from our 19th annual trip together. This ritual out-lasted my 18-year marriage! How?
3. Block and book the time. All of us lead busy, productive lives and could easily justify not showing up, but we place such value on our friendship it’s not an option. We’ve only had 2 health related absences over 19 years. Once it was me, and if I thought I could have flown without using every available barf bag, I would have gone. The other time, my girlfriend’s mother broke her hip after arriving to care for her children. Excused absences in my book. It means we block our time almost 6 mos. out and say “No” to other opportunities that show up. Even if it costs us business or results in a frustrated child, partner or supervisor at times.
Another colleague I know books the flight for her next trip with her dear friend while they’re still on vacation. Then at the end of their trip they can say, see you in X days! Also, it’s harder to back out of plans or let other things interfere if you have solid components, like a flight or reservation. Choose a specific block of time or day each week to reach out to your rotating hit list to insure it happens.
Yea, yea, I know I’m not telling you anything you already don’t know. But what you don’t know is when life is going to knock you off your feet. In those moments, it’s usually your relationships that not only break your fall, but help you get up and go forward again. They’re worth a fortune, so follow-up.
5 Slices of Truth to Grow Your Career Courtesy of Domino’s Pizza
June 2nd, 2011
As a gal who grew up on the South Side of Chicago, I’ll admit there’s nothing like an incredible slice of pizza (and that’s South Side pizza, by the way, not deep-dish “Chicago-style” pizza. I crave it—thin crust, zesty sausage and a sweet sauce you could almost drink it’s so flavorful). With this in mind, I grew up knowing you only ordered Domino’s pizza if you weren’t in Chicago, were desperate, and had to have it fast. After all, the only redeeming quality of Domino’s was you knew you could be biting down on something that slightly-resembled pizza within 30 minutes, given their on-time delivery promise.
Well, times have changed. If you’ve tasted a slice of Domino’s pizza since late 2009, you may have noticed an improvement in the cardboard crust and flavor-less sauce that defined Domino’s pies of years’ past. And you’re not alone in this revelation. Last year, the company took in over $1.5 billion in revenue. For the first time since 2007, domestic store growth was positive. But wait: have you seen any of Domino’s television ads in the last two years? Aren’t they talking about how bad their pizza is? So how is Domino’s 2011 first quarter net income up 10.6% in a market which 1%-3% growth is the norm? Domino’s new-found success can be attributed to 5 slices of truth we could all benefit from ingesting.
1. Honesty sells. Both the analysts and Domino’s CEO attribute this recent success to the pizza chains’ willingness to speak the truth. Domino’s knew their pies came in second behind microwavable pizza—and they admitted it. Not only did they admit it, they publicized it. For example, perhaps you’re interviewing for a new position where you’re lacking a specific, sought-after skill. Rather than pretend to own this trait or ignore the need, speak your truth. “Although I haven’t had direct experience with (x), I’m a pro-active, quick learner who will spend time outside of work hours getting up to speed on this issue. In fact, I’ve already looked into sources and have found …..” New to a sales position? Rather than pretend to be a savvy individual with all the answers, speak your truth. “Although I’m not as seasoned as others in this industry, I’m hungry, determined and committed to do whatever it takes to earn your business. Since I’m not able to rest on my laurels, I’m willing to go the extra mile in energy and research to provide you with the best solutions and service possible.”
2a. ASK for feedback… Domino’s aggressively sought the public’s opinion in hopes of deciphering why their product had lost popularity. After all, you can’t change what you won’t acknowledge. Foodies from across the country chimed in on Facebook, Twitter and their website, and, before they knew it, Domino’s had an overabundance of opinions why their pizza was sub par. Nine times out of ten there’s a reason you haven’t bypassed the top-seller or someone else beat you out for the promotion. Instead of wasting time wondering why, ask your supervisor/manager/boss to review your performance. Ask clients, colleagues and friends too. Not only will you find out why you’re not getting the extra zeros straight from the people cutting the check, but you’re also showing the people who matter you’re actively trying to. However, come prepared: as Domino’s quickly learned, sometimes the feedback isn’t exactly complimentary.
2b. …and don’t be too proud to own it. Yes, sometimes the truth hurts, but there’s no point in asking for the input if you’re not going to change your behaviors. The way I see it, all criticism is a gift to be opened and examined. Keep what resonates from those you respect. Be patient with the process. One of the most common complaints about Domino’s was that it was difficult to distinguish their crust from the cardboard box it came in. Using the feedback to their advantage, they concentrated a chunk of their campaign to develop a new crust recipe. Analyze the input you received and build your own recipe to success.
3. Revisit your strengths. Although your sales may have slumped or your raise wasn’t as fabulous, don’t forget the reasons why you were hired in the first place. For Domino’s, their 30 minute delivery was what kept me coming back on those late nights my buddies and I needed a fix. Don’t lose sight of what makes you different or unique from the competition. That being said, don’t hold onto it so tight that you are unable to improve in other areas. It wasn’t until Domino’s CEO recognized that delivery speed didn’t mean the quality of your pizza had to suffer. Newsflash: you can have great tasting pizza and have it within 30 minutes!
4. Don’t bite off more than you can chew. Cheesy, I know. (Okay, I’ll stop. No, I won’t). Although Domino’s is better than ever, let’s face it: their pizza still doesn’t even come close to the paper-thin slice of heaven from my old neighborhood. And, honestly, it’s going to take a lot more than throwing a couple extra herbs in their marinara. The truth is, as much as we all wish we could, you can’t make everyone happy. Set reasonable expectations for yourself and know your personal limitations. Yes, you want to be the best in your industry (and you will be!), but it takes time, patience and hard work to move up the ranks.
5. Enough thinking, start doing! You’ve done your research, now get cooking! Time spent moping around about your shortcomings is time you could have spent improving and getting more of what you really want. Create a plan to include small, daily actions to prove those who doubt you wrong—and do it! In my opinion, everyone deserves a piece of the pie. Go out there and get yours!
How Empty is Your Wellness Tank?
April 1st, 2011
Quick Quiz. Which of the following three scenarios best describes you at this very moment?
Full Tank: You leave work at an appropriate hour having checked all your to do boxes. Upon arriving home you take time out to exercise, eat right, spend time in nature, and talk to your loved ones lovingly. When you notice the toilet paper roll is empty you gracefully replace it with a smile.
If any of you are saying, “yeah, this is me” stop reading and float down to write my next article. You’re obviously an angel because you’re not living here on earth.
Half-a-Tank: You leave work only an hour after planned trying to figure out what you really accomplished today. Upon arriving home you get bombarded at the door with other people’s needs. “I’m hungry. What’s for dinner?” You throw some baby carrots and Ranch dressing at the kids before you finally break away for two minutes of alone time.
While in the restroom you glance at the magazine article you started days ago, and feel your blood boil as another “expert” is suggesting you relax at a spa. You seriously consider hunting this person down and giving them a spa moment they’ll never forget! How the heck are you suppose to afford a spa day when you have credit card debt up the wazoo, a cell phone being held together with duct tape, and a to do list that never ends?
You glance down and scream, “Can’t anyone else in this house change the roll of toilet paper?”
Empty Tank: You work out of your home, so technically never leave work or go to the bathroom. In fact, you’re still wearing the sweats you slept in. Your to-do list is a collection of yellow stickies some so old they no longer stick. Your 6-yr old turns to you, after inserting another box into the microwave and asks, “Did you get my poster board?” Even though you don’t want to be caught around town with sweats, no bra, and no makeup, you’re off to Target. You justify that people will think you have just been to the gym. Your dinner? A glass of wine and $4 box of Girl Scout thin mints will have to do. Plus the little girl outside of Target reminds you of when you earned the cookie badges every year. Overachievers start early. Aw heck, buy 2 boxes. . .. and an extra bottle of wine. You can’t wait any longer and find yourself in the bathroom at Target……which reminds you to buy toilet paper as you drip dry.
If any of you could relate, it’s time to fuel up with my tips below. Yes, I know the price may seem high at the moment, but it’s better to pay now than pay later. Just like at the pumps, the price only goes up.
Tip #1 Speak your truth to YOURSELF
All joking aside, you can’t do everything, nor be everything to everyone without becoming a Looney Tune. You’re never going to cross out everything on that darn list! We read the same old stuff about taking care of ourselves, but we don’t change a thing. My spin?
Speak your truth! Speak your truth to others, but most importantly to yourself. That’s how balance begins. That’s how it all starts. Just like any other muscle in the body, our truth muscle needs training, strengthening, and coaching. Read on.
Tip #2 Say NO to others to say Yes to you
Are you saying yes to everyone but yourself? Speak your truth – of course too many of you are. You’re saying to others: “Of course I can help! No problem. Sure, what do you need? “I’ll get on it right away.”
Worse yet you offer to help people that didn’t even ask:
“Why don’t I (insert helpful suggestion here).” You hang up the phone feeling full. Two minutes later, you’re drained when you realize what you just did. You can’t have balance without boundaries. Sometimes you need to disappoint someone else in order to be true to yourself.
We teach others how to treat us. And you are teaching your company, your boss, your kids, and your family you will keep taking on more and more responsibility to make their life easier. By saying yes to everyone else you are saying no to yourself. It’s time to speak your truth.
No’s to Self:
Start slowly. Start with Self-no’s and to people in the office that are not your boss. This will build your confidence, phraseology, and strengthen your Speak Your Truth muscle.
Rather than “I’m going to just get this one more thing done before I leave the office/relax/go to bed” say “Self, you’ve put in a full day. Stop. Breathe. Leave it alone.”
Rather than, “I’ll just do this because I’ll get it done more quickly” say, “Who can I delegate this to so they can grow or learn? And I can learn to be grateful for the help, even if it doesn’t resemble MY way of doing the task.” No one to delegate to? See above, “Self, you’ve put in a full day…..”
No’s to Colleagues:
Rather than, “I’m sorry, blah, blah, blah,” say,
“I’d love to talk more, yet I’m on a deadline. Can we touch base next week?”
“I need to run this project/assignment by my calendar/manager/team to ensure there’s no priority conflicts and will follow up.”
“I have a few projects to complete. Perhaps in a few weeks we can touch base again.”
“Try (name). They have a wealth of experience with that.”
“No, I am unable to attend this year. My plate is full with other commitments. Thanks for asking.”
“How fabulous your daughter is a girl scout! As I’ve already eaten my share of thin mints, I’ll choose to pass.”
Already speaking your truth and saying no? Still running on an empty tank? You may not like to hear this, but the truth is you’re never going to get it all done. It’s coming at us WAY too fast so get real about how much you really can accomplish in a day. Accepting this reality will help us accept ourselves more readily. And perhaps even others as we sit down to another empty roll of toilet paper.
