They were all fired within the last 30 days for Facebook postings.

As a motivational speaker that teaches the power of speaking your truth I was compelled to learn more.  Were these professionals speaking their truth?  How can speaking your truth be dangerous?  Is this an example of privacy invasion, sheer stupidity or poor judgment?

A New Reality Show?

At first glance we think “What an idiot!”  No intelligent person would ever bad mouth someone in an environment so public.  The humorous, cynical part of me envisions a humorous blog or TV show. Shall we call it Social Media Mess Ups or Facebook Foibles?

Yet these people were accomplished in their career.  Essence Magazine’s Managing Editor was the first Caucasian editor of the magazine and was fired for what was considered racially offensive posts.  The Marine Sergeant was discharged dishonorably after 10 years (losing all his benefits) for criticizing the President, and the ER doctor was given the pink slip because he violated patient privacy laws.  There were more notables in the last few years:  a New England Patriots cheerleader, 13 Virgin Airways flight attendants, a teacher that posted a picture holding 2 drinks.  I wondered would 1 drink be okay, but 2 drinks was the limit?  A waitress complained about a bad tip and was fired over the “disparaging customers” rule in the employee handbook. Just last week a Missouri school principal “resigned” due to posing as a student and having over 300 Facebook friends.

Have you ever regretted speaking your truth?

I was asked that question in a television interview last week.  No. I never regretting speaking my truth, but I have regretted speaking my mind. There’s a big difference. Speaking your mind comes from a place of frustration or anger, where speaking your truth is rooted in respect, grace and tact. I don’t believe you have to take anybody out to speak your truth.

I think most of us have gotten “caught” talking trash about someone.   You rant in an email and accidentally hit send…or send to the wrong person…or your entire company!  (Note to self, never send an email when you are angry!)  You complain to a friend or colleague and someone overhears you or finds out about what you said.  The challenges remain the same, it’s just a new medium.  We used to use letters or the phone to communicate/complain, now it is Facebook, blogs and twitters.

Today, speak your truth and stay rooted in respect for yourself and for others.   Honor those not present.  Reshape your complaints and frustrations into a search for solutions.  Better yet, reach out directly to the individual or cause that is frustrating you and have a real conversation. There is dangerous power in the poison pen, keyboard, or spoken word.  Take the poison out of the way you think, speak, and live.

What do you think?

Unfortunately, too often administrative professionals discount or downplay the incredible amount of wisdom, skills and abilities that they bring to the table. Oh sure, they may joke that their boss couldn’t live without them, but when it comes to stepping up to the plate and claiming their greatness, that’s often another story. If you are in this incredible position, take notice of your contribution and give yourself the credit you deserve by embracing the OREO approach.

Own your talents. Take the time to recognize how adaptable and flexible you truly are. Name a job that has changed as much as yours in the past 30 years. From typewriters with carbon paper to the daily use of software applications that include word processing, spreadsheets, databases and more, your ability to embrace technology is amazing!  Daily interruptions are handled with care, and touchy subjects are handled with grace. Stop focusing on what isn’t getting done and start noticing how every year you’re capable of doing more with less.

Risk more often. Do you want time off to attend an off-site meeting to grow your career? For that matter, do you want your company to pay for your Association membership? Take a risk and ASK! When you recognize how much value you bring to the organization and are able to articulate the benefits that you’ll bring back to the company through your participation, you will feel more empowered to make those requests known. Start asking for what you need and want.

Eliminate the word “just.” Every time you introduce yourself as “just” an assistant, you set yourself up to be seen as less than a vital player in the workplace. Your role is “just” as important as anyone else’s in the company and never forget it. Introduce yourself with confidence to gain the credibility you deserve.

Over Apologizing – avoid it. Too many admins are in the habit of saying “I’m sorry” when they’ve done nothing wrong. For example, “I’m sorry we weren’t able to get you on that flight.” or “I’m sorry, but I need your expenses for the report.”In the last circumstance, replace “I’m sorry” with “”Excuse me” because “sorry” implies fault and can make you look less than your confident, capable self. Manage your image to be seen as the valuable contributor to the team that you are.

Embrace the OREO approach and start taking ownership of your special ingredients and magic center that holds it all together. Even Nabisco^@ knows how powerful admins are – ever heard of Double Stuffs?! Happy Administrative Professional’s Day from this motivational speaker who has nothing but appreciation and respect for all you do!

Yet saying no is actually very good for your career, your company, and your workplace – when you say no for good reasons and communicate effectively. Consider the following to help you make fast yes/no decisions at work.

Say No to Build and Protect Your Reputation

This probably sounds contrary to your belief system.  We are taught to say yes and be a team player.  However, say yes all the time and you’re bound to poorly perform at least on some tasks, be so constantly overwhelmed and stressed you are miserable to be around, or lose credibility when you don’t complete everything you said you would.

Say Yes to High Profile Projects

Understand exactly how you are measured, both objectively and subjectively and say yes to those projects that affect your performance reviews and compensation.  You won’t get credit for doing extra work if you don’t get your core responsibilities completed with high quality.  If you do get a distraction disguised as an opportunity, weigh out how the project can help with your long-term goals.

Say No to Increase Your Production and Quality

Saying yes too often and performing other non-vital tasks is draining- it drains your focus, your concentration, your time, and your energy.  When you say no, you’ll focus on your most important responsibilities and have the time and energy to do them well.  You’ll feel better about your work and enjoy it more.

However you can’t say no all the time.

It’s tempting to say no when you don’t like the person asking, or you don’t like the task itself.  That’s not a good enough reason.

If you have less experience or reputation you probably want to say yes more often to build your credibility, and also your experience.

Who’s asking?  What is their relative position and reputation?  The higher they are on the food chain, or the greater effect they can have on your reputation, the more likely reason to say yes.

Weigh the short-term, and long-term benefits of saying yes or no. For example if it’s a one-time request that won’t take a lot of time, you might say yes.  Be a team player.  However, when the task is frequent, ongoing, lengthy, or the request is repeated often, it’s time to assess the situation more carefully.

If saying yes will either cause your work quality to suffer, other deadlines or tasks to be delayed, will overstress you, or miss other commitments, it is probably best to say no.

Solution: Run a cost/benefit analysis and make the best decision for you! What do you think?

What?! Why would anyone over the age of 10 want to do that?  Let alone 29 (Ha!). I have three speaking engagements next week, and if I hurt myself there’s no way my daughter’s college tuition bill is going to pay for itself!  Absolutely not!

My fears and frustrations at this point in my life remain physical.  Growing up I was knocked down by a pack of mangy, homeless dogs, got thrown from another horse at six years old, and physically attacked in an alley by an older boy as a pre-teen.  After years of being the Pizza Delivery boy’s favorite customer, I still struggle saying no to tempting foods, yes to physical activity, and maintaining my 50 pound weight loss. Most days I do it anyway, but it’s not an easy-breezy choice.

Where are YOU in your journey of taking healthy risks?  What does your inner committee say when an uncomfortable opportunity shows up? Many of us do not stretch our comfort zones because we are afraid of falling, failing, looking like a fool, or not being perfect.  We are comfortable with some risk categories (physical, emotional, professional) but still fearful or stagnant in others.

Now if Cowboy Larry said, “Colette get up on stage and hilariously entertain everyone while you train us on leadership, empowerment, and assertiveness,” I’d jump right up with no hesitation. Why? That’s a risk I’m comfortable with taking as it plays to my strengths. Doesn’t mean I don’t have nerves now and again, but I believe I’ll succeed because I’ve done it so many times before. I’ve already stretched that comfort zone.

Perhaps you may feel completely comfortable speaking your truth professionally at a meeting or with a coworker, yet with family or friends you bite your tongue because it’s not worth the conflict. You may risk asking for the sales order in business, but you won’t ask your colleague to lower their voice or get their own box of Kleenex.

Recently motivational speaker and friend Kelly Swanson and I were up for a television show called Jack of All Trades: Dirty Jobs meets Celebrity Apprentice.  I didn’t know if I’d be searching for toads in a Louisiana swamp or milking cows.  And while I wouldn’t be eating any bugs, the physical element was still my own fear factor.  So I thought:  standing on a horse is MY next step to stretch my comfort zone.  I may never get this chance again.  Plus if I fall off it will make a great story! So, up I went.

Where do you need to risk?  Whether you need to get up or get back on that horse, stop horsing around and start risking.

By the way, we didn’t get chosen for the TV show. Doesn’t matter. We risked.

What do you think?  Share your thoughts below.

I heard on the radio that in many places in the world women still spend up to 6 hours fetching and carrying water.  Today is International Women’s Day 2012 and many of you reading this are blessed with choices.  Are you celebrating who you are and where you are going, or are you exhausted “doing one more thing” or chore before you take care of yourself and follow your passions?  It’s not easy, but my mantra helps me:  “Everything is not perfect, but I am perfect with everything!”  Today, make a conscious choice on how you invest your time and energy.

Let’s face it.  Love is messy.  RELATIONSHIPS are messy.

And success in life, no matter how you define success, requires a strong foundation of relationships – both professional and personal.  Your relationships with coworkers, supervisors, customers, your significant other, friends, children, parents, siblings….. all roll up to the quality of your life and the “results” you achieve in your life.

Even that wonderful candy that promises to “melt in your mouth not in your hands”  WILL melt in your hands if you hold it tight enough and long enough.

Which brings me to the question, how messy are your relationships?

Many of us avoid disagreements, arguments, and risk in an effort to have perfect relationships wrapped in neat little bows. We’re afraid of being messy which means we are faking it…lying to ourselves and others.  Trust me I know. I was a big faker for a long time!

If you’re truly engaging, connecting, communicating, brainstorming, selling, and working with others, you’re bound to have messy moments.

How do we stay true to ourselves without experiencing a tumultuous emotional roller coaster?  How do you think, live, and speak your truth without a mess of oozy gooey melted chocolate in your hands?

I suggest “CHOOSE LOVE”.

L – LISTEN. Everyone wants to be heard.  Listen with all your senses -your eyes, ears, heart.  Rather than get frustrated with a colleague who missed a deadline or a client calling to complain, hear them out.  Teenager walk in the door late and you’re about to explode? Listen, before reacting.

O – OWN your own stuff.  Whenever I find myself in a messy situation, I’ve learned to internally ask, “What role did I play in this?” In other words, did I communicate ineffectively? Am I bringing baggage into this conversation? Is my needing to be right rearing its ugly head?

V -VULNERABILITY.   True connection demands vulnerability. It took me years to understand that my fear of being vulnerable also prevented me from experiencing true happiness.

E – EXPRESS your Truth. Hallmark coined the phrase “When you care enough to send the very best”.  One of my favorite Colette-isms is “when you care enough to speak your truth.”

In your interactions this week, choose an attitude of LOVE.  Love for yourself and love for others.  Listen, Own your stuff, be Vulnerable, and Express your truth with patience and compassion.

I think you’ll find the quality and depth of your relationships will improve…even if they get a little messy in the journey.

And as an aside, I was recently providing my Stress Less, Laugh More program.  The audience called out what they were going to put on their NOT to-do list.  A clean house was the first answer!  Yup, these women were willing to have a messy house to enjoy life more fully.  Is messy so bad when it means you are choosing another value you find more important? So go get messy and enjoy more real relationships.

What do you think?

Take my Dad for instance, still walking with a broad smile at 86 years old. Sure he no longer has the broad chest he did when he played professional football, but he still greets everyone he meets with a huge smile and something kind to say. This from a man who was nearly starved to death  in a POW camp during WWII. Needless to say,  we had no pity parties growing up in our family because nothing compared to what he endured and still he remained positive, outgoing and engaging. Do you let your challenges get in the way of your incredible positive potential?

My Mother at 76 still believes school is never out for the pro. Sure, she was a teacher, but her love of continual learning is outstanding. When she found out I was going to have my first child 19 years ago, she went straight out and bought a computer. Then she signed up for classes. “If I’m going to have a relationship with my Grandchildren, I’m going to need to be computer savvy.” She participates in 2 book clubs (she’s the oldest in both) to keep her current and sharp. She took on knitting a few years back and now has her sweaters in high-end boutiques. I could fill paragraphs more of all she has accomplished just since retiring. Are you reading the books or attending the programs you need to grow your life and business?

Now don’t get me wrong, our family was FAR from perfect. We fought, we had our issues, we had our crazy moments. My folks came down hard on me when I made really bad choices (feel free to use your imagination and it probably still won’t be as bad as I was!). Yet, they were also always there to support me on my path — every step of the way. I am so blessed to still have them in my life, and I give appreciation for them every day. My parents …. two of the original motivational speakers in my book.

They just packed their car, drove away and have left the house….but never my heart.

At work:  A Montclair University study about lying in the workplace discovered:  91% of participants “believed lying occurs to some degree in the workplace.”

The top 10 lies included:  to cover up a mistake, make themselves look better, avoid trouble/doing work or getting fired, get a promotion or raise, and reasons for lateness or absenteeism.

And you know it’s not just at work.  Flip the channel or a newspaper and you’ll hear about “The Trust Deficit” over and over as candidates vie to get elected.  AshleyMadison.com, the dating website designed for cheating spouses whose ads were banned from last year’s SuperBowl, hit 10 million members in 2011.

You’ve done it, too.  Admit it.  Overspending on the holidays so no one will know how hard the economy has hit you or because you feel guilty you haven’t honored the relationship over the year.  Launching a new exercise or health program when you’re secretly saying, “I do this every year and it never works” or “this year it will be different” yet you do not have a focused strategic plan any better than the last several years.

And the worst lies of all?  The lies we tell ourselves. The lies that hold us back.  The lies that keep us from getting, doing or experiencing our best true selves.  I know, I was a big fat liar, literally.  50 lbs overweight and making underwhelming choices.

So what do you do about it?  As Gandhi said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

If there’s one change I encourage you to make in 2012: Speak Your Truth.  You can only experience true change when you become authentic, honest and compassionate with yourself and with others.

And I’m not just talking about talking.  Think It, Speak It, Live It.  Aligning your thoughts, words, and actions is the only way to create sincere and long lasting change.

I literally turned around my life in 3 years and gained more success than I ever dreamed by applying these principles.  Join me – Lead the Truth Revolution, starting with yourself.  I promise it will dramatically improve every aspect of your life.

Any other thoughts on this? Tell this motivational speaker your truth!

One of my coaching clients recently hosted a direct sales party. If you’re unfamiliar, the get-togethers follow the Tupperware party model, but showcase everything from cooking tools to clothing, anti-aging creams to adult toys.  Fifteen people said they would come, and eighteen more said maybe.  Not wanting to run short, she made a full spread of appetizers, deserts, and drinks which she ate for the next four days. Why? Only three people showed up!

After apologizing profusely to the gal who dragged all her wares over to show, the conversation turned to how often people no-show after saying yes to a commitment.  The party “salesperson” shared her colleague had eighteen party cancellations in two months. The hostess confessed she had missed a couple obligations recently and started to wonder if commitment karma was paying her back.

So, I’m asking you, what is the value of your word when it comes to invitations? Sure, we all have valid examples of times we had to opt out of a situation due to a true emergency. I had to cancel plans a week ago when my daughter totaled the car (she was blessed to walk away without serious harm). But I’m talking about the times when you simply changed your mind in the eleventh hour due to an inability to speak your truth from the get-go or because you realized you tried to tackle too much in one day.

Over the years I’ve surveyed many sales people, associations, networking groups, and hosts about this situation. Although each individual wishes they could have full participation, everyone vocalized they would rather get an honest answer or a “no” upfront, rather than a cancellation later. I’ve heard, “It seems no one keeps their word anymore.  I understand things can change, even right before an event.  At least have the decency to send a quick text or call that you can’t make it.” I’ve had meeting planners who held prime seats upfront for companies that purchased tables for an event, only to have them remain empty. Not knowing if someone would show at some point, they kept them available, rather than have people in the back move forward and claim a better view.

This lack of commitment morphs into a lack of credibility. It happens with political leaders and companies too, but let’s focus on what we can change – ourselves.

Reflect for a moment on who you keep your commitments with.  If you keep your word to coworkers, your boss, clients, but let down the people closest to you, perhaps it is time for some change.  If you say yes to everyone else but yourself, maybe it’s time to reprioritize your personal needs.

With holiday opportunities showing up at every turn, take the time to speak your truth. Remember, everyone is busy at this time. Is it any less important to keep your word just because you’re busy? Prevent the fall-out by being proactive.

Here’s some phraseology that might make it easier:  “I would love to (fill in the blank), however I have a lot going on right now.  I will try to come but don’t count on me”.  Or “I’m overextended right now. How can I support you another way or another time?”

As you see all the glitter this season, remember to Make Your Word Gold.  It’s the greatest gift you can give to yourself and others.

Any other thoughts on this? Let me know.