5 Ways to Stress Less Through the Holidays!

November 21st, 2011

Every year I send out an email around Thanksgiving about gratitude. Personally, I’m grateful I’ve learned to speak my truth in my thoughts, my words, and actions.  Doing so has led me to stress less, laugh more, and enjoy what the holidays really mean to me – spending quality time with loved ones instead of all the other stuffing.

This is the time of year you see all kinds of articles on reducing stress—on blogs, magazine covers, and more.  I find most of the articles are more about time management, organizing and prioritizing.  The message – get it all done by being MORE …of something.
What I’m suggesting is identifying what you can do less of, rather than more of in less time. Here’s 5 ways I commit to letting go this year and focusing on what’s important.  Join me!

1.    Stop judging and stop apologizing.  That means stop judging yourself…stop judging your guests, or your hosts, or anything else.   Someone shared with me that a friend dropped the turkey on the floor taking it out of the oven.  She cried all my hard work.  Her guests consoled her while trying not to laugh out loud at the I Love Lucy scene in the kitchen.  She spent the rest of the night apologizing for what happened, when in reality her biggest holiday disaster turned into one of her (and her guests) funniest holiday memories.

2.    Make a not-to-do list – holiday style.  If you’ve heard me speak you know this is one of my favorite exercises.  For example, “I’m not going to make homemade (fill in the blank)” Buy it at Costco, Sam’s Club or your favorite grocery store.  Last year my girlfriend hosted her first Thanksgiving of 25 people!  When everyone raved about the gravy she sheepishly admitted (after hiding the containers in the garbage) that she bought it.  She got high-fives from all the other women in the room – except her mother-in-law.  Oh well, you’ll never make everyone happy. My other friend puts clean the floors before a house full of guests on her not-to-do list because “it’s going to get dirty any way”. Ask yourself, do I really need to do this?  The better question is do you WANT to do this? If the answer is no, put it on the not-to-do list.

3.    Commit to one.  Whether that’s one stellar homemade dish, one special memory, one special holiday gift, or one special decorative touch…one small difference to focus on and enjoy while letting go of all the other stuff.

4.    Go to bed early!  Tell the truth.  How many times did you go to bed at 1am, 2am, or later when you are about to throw a party or have a household of people.  I’ve started saying, “they are not coming to see my house they are coming to see me…and if they are coming to see my house…well then I’ll be an example so in the future they can cut themselves some slack!”  Remember, it’s about seeking connection, not perfection.

5.    Choose gratitude. When you find yourself stressing, instead count your blessings. This is still the cheapest, fastest, way to remember why you’re doing it all anyway.

This may all sound easier said than done, yet small changes in your perspective this season can make you stress less, laugh more and enjoy the holidays. As I’m always open to learning and growing, share with me your best stress less holiday tip below.

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Posted in Balance, Family Values, Stress Less | 5 Comments »

The Power of the Name Game

October 20th, 2011

“You’re too smart to not remember his name,” are the exact words Harvey Mackay, founder and chairman of a $100 million company and author of six New York Times bestselling books, shared with me prior to a dinner engagement during the annual National Speaker’s Association Conference. His sage advice ringed with truth and reminded me of the power of the name game. I’m hoping you learn from my faux pas.

Background: Earlier in the day I was delighted to be included at an off-site dinner with some incredible speakers and authors. One of the gentlemen, I’ll call him Joe because that’s his name, introduced me to his son in the lounge about a half hour before we were leaving for dinner. While waiting for Joe and his son to show up in the lobby, Harvey asked, “What’s Joe’s son’s name?” I drew a blank to which Harvey responded with the above retort.

Big Fat Excuse: I could say that when I was introduced to Joe’s son I was already juggling two different conversations. You see, I originally went to the lounge to toast a dear friend and colleague’s successful book launch and while there ran into a pack of female speakers I adore. So, here I am with a champagne glass in my hand wanting to focus on my friend’s success when 3 other friends walked in with hugs and laughter. This is right about the same time Joe popped in and introduced his son. I could say I met over 20 new people that day during sessions and was already doing my best to remember names. I could say I’ve reached the age where I’m hormonally challenged. Or I could speak the truth.

Truth: I didn’t invest the time to play the Name Game.

Name Game Rules:

  1. Dial in. Stop whatever you’re doing and truly focus on who you’re meeting. Listen as if you’re privy to an unknown magical phrase that allows you to eat anything without paying the caloric price.
  2. Repeat. Use the person’s name as soon as possible. “It’s my pleasure meeting you (Name). I’ve been known to say, “Name, Name, Name” out loud while explaining to the individual it is my memory system.
  3. Associate. Is there something unusual about the name? I often help people with my name (some struggle) by saying, “Think of a collect phone call.” Do you know someone else with the same name? Perhaps a friend or a famous actor.
  4. Visualize. If someone shares the same name with another, I see the person I already know while I look at my new acquaintance. If it’s a word picture, I visualize the item with the person. For example, when I met Sita (pronounced Seat-a), I saw her sitting in a chair.
  5. Record. At a minimum, ask for a card. No card? Pull out one of your own and jot down the person’s name or text yourself the info. Trust me, you’ll be glad you did.

As an aside, I appreciate Harvey calling me on my stuff. Not only do I respect all his accomplishments, but he’s extremely generous and thoughtful. He was giving me a gift that I’m happy to receive. And by the way, Joe’s son is Brendan.

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Posted in Career Strategies, Networking | 1 Comment »

5 Truths Kris Kardashian Leverages for Success!

September 8th, 2011

Even if you despise pop culture, you’ve probably heard of the Kardashians thanks to Kris Jenner who landed her family $65 million in endorsement deals and TV shows just last year. This “momager” has made it her business to promote daughters’ Kourtney, Kim and Khloe incessantly. Reality shows, fragrances, make-up, calendars, books and as of August, Kardashian-themed boutiques in 400 Sears stores nationwide. Love ‘em, hate ‘em, what truths can you take away from ‘em?

1.    Service builds skills. Before becoming a branding expert, Kris honed her skills as a Beverly Hills hostess (originally married to Robert Kardashian who became a household name while representing his friend O.J. Simpson in his murder trial) Brownie-troop leader, soccer coach, room mother and car pool driver. She claims that her ability to see a problem and fix it comes from her years in these roles, as well as, the ability to multi-task.

Whether it’s volunteering at a favorite charity, serving on a committee, organizing a party, or going on a child’s field trip, giving service enhances your leadership, organization, and communication skills.

2.    Self-promotion is required. Too many of us believe that if you work hard you’ll get noticed, but the truth is everyone’s too busy to notice how hard you’re working. It’s up to you to toot your horn. Kourtney’s tweet, “I love NYC rain…except when ur trying to run around the city in major heels with your sisters wearing Kardashian Kollection for Sears!” is a bit obvious, but makes the point.

Look for subtle ways to bring up your talents, skills and abilities in a conversation. “When I was working on a similar project last year for (name drop, project drop, etc), I learned X. Have you found this to be true as well?”

3.    It all starts with the ASK! When asked the secret of becoming self-made in a recent publication, Kris said, “If someone says no, you’re asking the wrong person.” And when it came to negotiating she remarked, “Ask for what you want. You’d be surprised – you just might get it.”

Even though I’m not crazy about the Kardashians, I couldn’t agree more with that statement. Remember, the answer is always no if you don’t ask. So, rather than get discouraged when things don’t go your way, regroup, do your homework and go ASK again.

4.    Packaging and presentation speak volumes. When she married Bruce Jenner two decades ago, the 1976 Olympic gold medalist was $500,000 in debt. Kris had walked away from her marriage with no alimony and the newlyweds now had eight children between them. Although her husband was picking up a few speaking engagements for Fortune 500 companies, she claims he didn’t have a business card or press kit. So, given their financial situation, she got busy and made stickers of him crossing the finish line as his logo. When meeting with potential business contacts she would beautifully display his press kit she put together along with little Hasbro Bruce Jenner dolls and his Wheaties cereal boxes. Not unlike a party favor in year’s past, these visual takeaways left a lasting impression which made him current and top-of-mind.

How we dress, the words we choose to use and the materials we use to represent us (cards, proposals, letters, emails, power point presentations, and websites) are always communicating a message. What lasting impression are you leaving based on your choices?

5.    Clear intentions bring peace of mind. Although you and I may not be comfortable with the choices Kris makes, nor many critics who say she is exploiting her children (her two youngest daughters Kendall and Kylie Jenner are up next), she owns her goals. According to the article in More magazine Jenner was quoted as saying, “My job is to take my family’s 15 minutes of fame and turn it into 30. I work hard. It’s a very rewarding feeling when I go to sleep every night knowing I did the best I could for my family.”

When you believe in what you’re doing and own your why, you can let go of other’s approval and simply speak your truth. How’s that for a reality check?

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Posted in Branding, Career Strategies, Goal Setting | 3 Comments »

The Fortune is in the Follow-up, 3 Tips to Connect

July 29th, 2011

The fortune is in the follow-up is a line I’ve both heard and repeated many times coming from a sales background. And it’s true. Research shows it’s more effective to work with a client you’ve already established a relationship with, rather than go after new business.

But I’m not just talking about business when I speak of your fortune. To me, personal relationships in the way of family and friends are even more valuable. Yet, many of us get consumed by life and the follow-up drops down the list. We focus on what we consider to be more urgent tasks and never quite get around to it … or them — similar to that diet that was going to leave us svelte by summer.

No matter how good our intentions, without a plan to stay connected to everyone from your family to your friends, your colleagues to your clients, it’s just not going to happen unless you follow the 3 steps to follow-up:

1. Create a hit list you can access. Think through the categories of your life and figure out who brings you joy, laughter, opportunities, business or whatever you deem important. Who do you want to serve or support? Keep your list accessible in a notebook, database, spreadsheet, Facebook or LinkedIn group so it’s easy to reference.

2. Determine time-frames. How often do you want to reach out or see your peeps? This could be quarterly for some clients or weekly for a walking buddy. Is it once a year in the form of a birthday card to a distant friend or former co-worker?

For 5 of my girlfriends, it’s yearly and I deem our list “The Six-Pack” which shows how long we’ve been hanging (pre-wine). This yearly rendezvous began as a result of my discouraging them from attending my wedding. Unlike most women, I never dressed my Barbie’s as brides, nor wanted a big ceremony – only marriage and children. But, I compromised – the first of many. When I found out they were all planning to attend, I encouraged them instead to come for a long weekend following my honeymoon (he had to leave) so we could connect. Rather than leave it at, “This is so much fun we should do this again!” we committed to this happening, and we just got home from our 19th annual trip together. This ritual out-lasted my 18-year marriage! How?

3. Block and book the time. All of us lead busy, productive lives and could easily justify not showing up, but we place such value on our friendship it’s not an option. We’ve only had 2 health related absences over 19 years. Once it was me, and if I thought I could have flown without using every available barf bag, I would have gone. The other time, my girlfriend’s mother broke her hip after arriving to care for her children. Excused absences in my book. It means we block our time almost 6 mos. out and say “No” to other opportunities that show up. Even if it costs us business or results in a frustrated child, partner or supervisor at times.

Another colleague I know books the flight for her next trip with her dear friend while they’re still on vacation. Then at the end of their trip they can say, see you in X days! Also, it’s harder to back out of plans or let other things interfere if you have solid components, like a flight or reservation. Choose a specific block of time or day each week to reach out to your rotating hit list to insure it happens.

Yea, yea, I know I’m not telling you anything you already don’t know. But what you don’t know is when life is going to knock you off your feet. In those moments, it’s usually your relationships that not only break your fall, but help you get up and go forward again. They’re worth a fortune, so follow-up.

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5 Slices of Truth to Grow Your Career Courtesy of Domino’s Pizza

June 2nd, 2011

As a gal who grew up on the South Side of Chicago, I’ll admit there’s nothing like an incredible slice of pizza (and that’s South Side pizza, by the way, not deep-dish “Chicago-style” pizza. I crave it—thin crust, zesty sausage and a sweet sauce you could almost drink it’s so flavorful). With this in mind, I grew up knowing you only ordered Domino’s pizza if you weren’t in Chicago, were desperate, and had to have it fast. After all, the only redeeming quality of Domino’s was you knew you could be biting down on something that slightly-resembled pizza within 30 minutes, given their on-time delivery promise.

Well, times have changed. If you’ve tasted a slice of Domino’s pizza since late 2009, you may have noticed an improvement in the cardboard crust and flavor-less sauce that defined Domino’s pies of years’ past. And you’re not alone in this revelation. Last year, the company took in over $1.5 billion in revenue. For the first time since 2007, domestic store growth was positive. But wait: have you seen any of  Domino’s television ads in the last two years? Aren’t they talking about how bad their pizza is? So how is Domino’s 2011 first quarter net income up 10.6% in a market which 1%-3% growth is the norm? Domino’s new-found success can be attributed to 5 slices of truth we could all benefit from ingesting.

1. Honesty sells. Both the analysts and Domino’s CEO attribute this recent success to the pizza chains’ willingness to speak the truth. Domino’s knew their pies came in second behind microwavable pizza—and they admitted it. Not only did they admit it, they publicized it. For example, perhaps you’re interviewing for a new position where you’re lacking a specific, sought-after skill. Rather than pretend to own this trait or ignore the need, speak your truth. “Although I haven’t had direct experience with (x), I’m a pro-active, quick learner who will spend time outside of work hours getting up to speed on this issue. In fact, I’ve already looked into sources and have found …..” New to a sales position? Rather than pretend to be a savvy individual with all the answers, speak your truth. “Although I’m not as seasoned as others in this industry, I’m hungry, determined and committed to do whatever it takes to earn your business. Since I’m not able to rest on my laurels, I’m willing to go the extra mile in energy and research to provide you with the best solutions and service possible.”

2a. ASK for feedback… Domino’s aggressively sought the public’s opinion in hopes of deciphering why their product had lost popularity. After all, you can’t change what you won’t acknowledge. Foodies from across the country chimed in on Facebook, Twitter and their website, and, before they knew it, Domino’s had an overabundance of opinions why their pizza was sub par. Nine times out of ten there’s a reason you haven’t bypassed the top-seller or someone else beat you out for the promotion. Instead of wasting time wondering why, ask your supervisor/manager/boss to review your performance. Ask clients, colleagues and friends too. Not only will you find out why you’re not getting the extra zeros straight from the people cutting the check, but you’re also showing the people who matter you’re actively trying to. However, come prepared: as Domino’s quickly learned, sometimes the feedback isn’t exactly complimentary.

2b. …and don’t be too proud to own it. Yes, sometimes the truth hurts, but there’s no point in asking for the input if you’re not going to change your behaviors. The way I see it, all criticism is a gift to be opened and examined. Keep what resonates from those you respect. Be patient with the process. One of the most common complaints about Domino’s was that it was difficult to distinguish their crust from the cardboard box it came in. Using the feedback to their advantage, they concentrated a chunk of their campaign to develop a new crust recipe. Analyze the input you received and build your own recipe to success.

3. Revisit your strengths. Although your sales may have slumped or your raise wasn’t as fabulous, don’t forget the reasons why you were hired in the first place. For Domino’s, their 30 minute delivery was what kept me coming back on those late nights my buddies and I needed a fix. Don’t lose sight of what makes you different or unique from the competition. That being said, don’t hold onto it so tight that you are unable to improve in other areas. It wasn’t until Domino’s CEO recognized that delivery speed didn’t mean the quality of your pizza had to suffer. Newsflash: you can have great tasting pizza and have it within 30 minutes!

4. Don’t bite off more than you can chew. Cheesy, I know. (Okay, I’ll stop. No, I won’t). Although Domino’s is better than ever, let’s face it: their pizza still doesn’t even come close to the paper-thin slice of heaven from my old neighborhood. And, honestly, it’s going to take a lot more than throwing a couple extra herbs in their marinara. The truth is, as much as we all wish we could, you can’t make everyone happy. Set reasonable expectations for yourself and know your personal limitations. Yes, you want to be the best in your industry (and you will be!), but it takes time, patience and hard work to move up the ranks.

5. Enough thinking, start doing! You’ve done your research, now get cooking! Time spent moping around about your shortcomings is time you could have spent improving and getting more of what you really want. Create a plan to include small, daily actions to prove those who doubt you wrong—and do it! In my opinion, everyone deserves a piece of the pie. Go out there and get yours!

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Posted in Career Strategies, Goal Setting, Risk Being Real, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

How Empty is Your Wellness Tank?

April 1st, 2011

Quick Quiz. Which of the following three scenarios best describes you at this very moment?

Full Tank: You leave work at an appropriate hour having checked all your to do boxes. Upon arriving home you take time out to exercise, eat right, spend time in nature, and talk to your loved ones lovingly. When you notice the toilet paper roll is empty you gracefully replace it with a smile.

If any of you are saying, “yeah, this is me” stop reading and float down to write my next article. You’re obviously an angel because you’re not living here on earth.

Half-a-Tank: You leave work only an hour after planned trying to figure out what you really accomplished today.  Upon arriving home you get bombarded at the door with other people’s needs. “I’m hungry. What’s for dinner?” You throw some baby carrots and Ranch dressing at the kids before you finally break away for two minutes of alone time.

While in the restroom you glance at the magazine article you started days ago, and feel your blood boil as another “expert” is suggesting you relax at a spa. You seriously consider hunting this person down and giving them a spa moment they’ll never forget! How the heck are you suppose to afford a spa day when you have credit card debt up the wazoo, a cell phone being held together with duct tape, and a to do list that never ends?

You glance down and scream, “Can’t anyone else in this house change the roll of toilet paper?”

Empty Tank: You work out of your home, so technically never leave work or go to the bathroom. In fact, you’re still wearing the sweats you slept in. Your to-do list is a collection of yellow stickies some so old they no longer stick. Your 6-yr old turns to you, after inserting another box into the microwave and asks, “Did you get my poster board?” Even though you don’t want to be caught around town with sweats, no bra, and no makeup, you’re off to Target. You justify that people will think you have just been to the gym. Your dinner? A glass of wine and $4 box of Girl Scout thin mints will have to do. Plus the little girl outside of Target reminds you of when you earned the cookie badges every year. Overachievers start early. Aw heck, buy 2 boxes. . .. and an extra bottle of wine. You can’t wait any longer and find yourself in the bathroom at Target……which reminds you to buy toilet paper as you drip dry.

If any of you could relate, it’s time to fuel up with my tips below. Yes, I know the price may seem high at the moment, but it’s better to pay now than pay later. Just like at the pumps, the price only goes up.

Tip #1 Speak your truth to YOURSELF

All joking aside, you can’t do everything, nor be everything to everyone without becoming a Looney Tune. You’re never going to cross out everything on that darn list! We read the same old stuff about taking care of ourselves, but we don’t change a thing.  My spin?

Speak your truth!  Speak your truth to others, but most importantly to yourself.  That’s how balance begins. That’s how it all starts.  Just like any other muscle in the body, our truth muscle needs training, strengthening, and coaching.  Read on.

Tip #2 Say NO to others to say Yes to you

Are you saying yes to everyone but yourself?  Speak your truth – of course too many of you are.  You’re saying to others:  “Of course I can help!  No problem.  Sure, what do you need?  “I’ll get on it right away.”

Worse yet you offer to help people that didn’t even ask:

“Why don’t I (insert helpful suggestion here).” You hang up the phone feeling full. Two minutes later, you’re drained when you realize what you just did.  You can’t have balance without boundaries. Sometimes you need to disappoint someone else in order to be true to yourself.

We teach others how to treat us.  And you are teaching your company, your boss, your kids, and your family you will keep taking on more and more responsibility to make their life easier. By saying yes to everyone else you are saying no to yourself.  It’s time to speak your truth.

No’s to Self:

Start slowly.  Start with Self-no’s and to people in the office that are not your boss.  This will build your confidence, phraseology, and strengthen your Speak Your Truth muscle.

Rather than “I’m going to just get this one more thing done before I leave the office/relax/go to bed” say “Self, you’ve put in a full day. Stop. Breathe. Leave it alone.”

Rather than, “I’ll just do this because I’ll get it done more quickly” say, “Who can I delegate this to so they can grow or learn? And I can learn to be grateful for the help, even if it doesn’t resemble MY way of doing the task.” No one to delegate to? See above, “Self, you’ve put in a full day…..”

No’s to Colleagues:

Rather than, “I’m sorry, blah, blah, blah,” say,

“I’d love to talk more, yet I’m on a deadline. Can we touch base next week?”

“I need to run this project/assignment by my calendar/manager/team to ensure there’s no priority conflicts and will follow up.”

“I have a few projects to complete.  Perhaps in a few weeks we can touch base again.”

“Try (name). They have a wealth of experience with that.”

“No, I am unable to attend this year. My plate is full with other commitments. Thanks for asking.”

“How fabulous your daughter is a girl scout! As I’ve already eaten my share of thin mints, I’ll choose to pass.”

Already speaking your truth and saying no? Still running on an empty tank? You may not like to hear this, but the truth is you’re never going to get it all done. It’s coming at us WAY too fast so get real about how much you really can accomplish in a day. Accepting this reality will help us accept ourselves more readily. And perhaps even others as we sit down to another empty roll of toilet paper.

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Posted in Balance, Risk Being Real, Stress Less | 3 Comments »

Three Costly Networking Mistakes to Avoid

February 15th, 2011

My personal belief on Networking is that your Net Work = Your Net Worth. That’s right. Who you communicate and connect with during your lifetime can have a direct influence on both your professional and financial future. In fact, a study of MBA’s from Stanford University School of Business found that 10 years after they graduated, grade point averages had no bearing on their success. But their ability to converse and connect with others did.

Another study showed that 40-50% of any jobs available at firms are filled by candidates referred by staff members rather than on-line applications which is just another benefit of networking. Which is why we all can recite the saying, It isn’t what you know, but who you know. And yet, I consistently see people making the same three networking mistakes. Are you?

Mistake #1: They have no goal or game plan.

A vital step of networking is to know your outcomes. Otherwise it’s too easy to just pick at the buffet, grab a cocktail and hang out with people you already know. Make a list of key people you would like to meet and think through or ask others where these types of individuals gather. What information do you want to gain as a result of attending? Are you looking to simply grow you network, find a new position, or market your business? Although you won’t necessarily get immediate results, you need to have clarity, purpose and an intent of what you eventually want to accomplish. Why? When you have a plan, you’re more likely to work that plan, make that contact and be on the road to developing that relationship.

Mistake #2: They show up and sell, rather than serve.

Don’t mix selling with networking. You want to serve others, not sell them. Nothing turns someone off faster than an individual who only seconds after meeting them launches into a mini-presentation. What to do instead? Identify or know your value. Since networking is more about giving than getting until a relationship has been formed, what do you bring to the table? Who do you know that someone within this particular group would want to know? What do you personally know that would be helpful to them? Think this through in advance. Take some time to go through your database or Rolodex so the names are top-of-mind should the opportunity present itself. In other words, finding out what they need and doing your best to give it to them. This is how you become memorable and viewed as a genuine, authentic individual rather than a smarmy taker.

Mistake #3: They have no system to follow-up.

Do you return from an event with a stack of business cards that sit in a pile somewhere on your desk? Too often the enthusiasm of meeting someone quickly fades unless you have a system. My theory is follow-up within 3 days. If not, you probably won’t as it feels more awkward as time passes. Not sure what to say? Always thank a contact for their time and advice, either in a handwritten note or a follow-up email. And then stay in touch – send them a notice of an event that might interest them. Stand out from the crowd by sending an interesting article or forward valuable information and summarize (“Here are the 3 highlights from this article I think you might be interested in…”). Doing so shows your initiative, that you listened to their areas of interest and value their time.

Sure, these suggestions require your time and energy and there’s a reason the word “work” is part of the word network. It’s not net play. Working a room is work, and yet it leads to business bonds that can take you to the most amazing places.

Share your networking stories below.

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Posted in Networking | 1 Comment »

Loving You

February 14th, 2011

Are you someone who looks forward to Valentine’s Day sending out cards and well wishes to friends and family or do you lock yourself in the house with a box of chocolates wondering why you aren’t in the relationship of your dreams? Somewhere in the middle? Why not see the day for what it is? A day to send yourself some love and appreciation.

I’ve been around the block long enough to have experienced the  A-Z of Valentine’s Day. Didn’t  even have a date on Red Day until I was in my 30′s, have been treated to beautiful flowers, candy, gifts and dinner, and also can remember a year when filling out my card to my honey required carefully chosen words to avoid acknowledging the truth of our failed relationship. This year, I’m back to a day of love with someone who brings out the best in me.  What have I learned while cruising through the alphabet? All love starts with self-love.

Try something new this Valentine’s Day – write yourself a love letter. Sit down with a beautiful piece of stationary or a card, pour a cup of your favorite liquid, and go into juicy detail listing all your wonderful qualities (don’t forget your sing-song voice, curve of your back, ability to listen and keen sense of observation). Re-read your own love letter daily to remember how truly special and lovely you are – just the way you are.

Happy Valentine’s Day to you!

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Is Your Gym Jamming?

January 7th, 2011

If you’re gym is jammed, hang in there and it will soon return to normal. Why? It’s that time of year when people make commitments they won’t keep. Whether you want to increase business, stop yelling at your kids or put more well into your being, here’s what you need to know to make it happen for real, not just on paper.

Although speaking of paper, write down what you do want to accomplish. Study after study shows the power of not just thinking it, but inking it. When I worked for sales guru Brian Tracy, he suggested we commit a few minutes each morning to re-writing our goal down in the form of a positive affirmation. No matter what happened the day before, that morning ritual was a way of enjoying the art of a fresh start. (If you want to know what a SMART goal or positive affirmation sounds and looks like, use my other brain, Google, to collect this info.)

Dare to share. When we out ourselves, we’re more likely to follow through so tell like-minded friends, family and colleagues your intentions. Notice the emphasis on the word, like-minded. Avoid sharing with anyone who will sabotage you given their own agenda.

Start small. I don’t care if you want to make one more outgoing call, walk 5 minutes in one direction and turnaround, get up and hug family when they return home, power off during dinner or power on with one less cup of caffeine. Everything counts, and our daily choices make the difference. Starting small and having success creates momentum.

Start already. Who says diets have to start on Monday? Trust me I understand that thinking. I wasn’t 50 lbs. overweight for years without owning that belief, but now I realize everyday can be the perfect day to begin.

Substitute habits. When you change a behavior, substitute, rather than eliminate a habit to up your odds of success. For example, if you normally snack at 3pm, rather than cut yourself off completely find a healthier alternative. I still reach for Jolly Time Fat Free popcorn when I want to mow through a row of Thin Mints (what an oxymoron).

Get Real and Heal. You’re never going to get what you really want until you get honest about why you’re getting in your own way. When you shove stuff down, it slows you down and eventually you stop. To truly accomplish your goals, you’ve got to feel, deal and heal. If not, you’ll eventually float back to old habits and behaviors. Just look at Oprah, or for that matter me after my 2010 Holiday Farewell to Food Tour. Like you, I had too much going on this past month. Even though I scaled back dramatically and spent quality time with family and friends, I still felt the pressure of not doing “enough” in my business and found myself reaching for food. And it wasn’t popcorn! Yea, I know I need to practice what I preach, so I dealt with some stuff and am back on track.

Get Support. Perhaps you need a great ear (therapist, friend), great group (Weight Watchers, AA) or great individual (coach, personal trainer) to help you along. Remember, one of my favorite sayings is Ask and You Shall Succeed. We often forget we need to ask others to support us through personal growth and change. Put your pride on the side and ask.

Change takes time. I used to believe and teach, based on what I heard and read, that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. This is false.  I’ve done the research, and this theory started because a doctor noticed an amputee took around 21 days to adjust to the loss of a limb.  Newer research studied 96 people and noticed, on average, the participants took about 66 days to make a habit automatic. I’ve been dealing with NOT putting too much food in my mouth for over 30 years, so my theory is a new habit doesn’t happen overnight. But it happens more easily when you take action daily to keep your focus and momentum.

What behavior are you going to change today? Share yours  below.

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The Gift of Time in Aisle 9

December 21st, 2010

“Look at all the sugar in these cereals,” the shrunken, 85-year old man said aloud at my local Sav-On drugstore. As he reached for the Cheerios off the shelf, our eyes met. “I’m down to one teaspoon in my coffee, instead of three. Heck, during WWII I was happy if the coffee was even hot.” His eyes welled with tears. “I never used to cry, but I seem to cry all the time now,” said the man I’d soon learn was called Frank.

“That’s good,” I replied with a big smile, “it means you’re normal and human.” Frank returned the smile as he started to tell me more about his buddies in the service. I glanced at the milk I had just put into my cart, and thought about how much more needed to get done during this busy holiday season. When I looked up at Frank, our eyes connected once more, and my heart made a decision to be in the moment and enjoy the gift of conversation.

Together in Aisle 9, I listened as he talked about his wartime experience, and the largest land battle ever fought by our country — the Battle of the Bulge. “Do you know that there were over 70,000 American casualties during that battle alone?”
“Yes, I do because my Dad was captured in that Battle, and became a Prisoner of War in Stalag 11B.”

Frank’s eyes were alert when I shared the story of how Dad’s frozen feet were saved thanks to the friendship he developed with a German nurse’s young son during his brief hospital stay. The boy, who wanted to learn English, was drawn to my Dad’s warmth, smile and playful nature. He brought Dad a bottle of schnapps the night before the German doctors were going to amputate his feet. Dad drank the liquor, massaged his feet all night through the intense pain and got enough circulation going to prevent the operation. Frank chuckled when I shared how Dad ended up playing professional football for the Detroit Lions and Philadelphia Eagles with those same feet!

Our conversation went back and forth, and I lost all track of time. Then the conversation came to a natural close. Frank put out his hand, and warmly said, “Thank you for taking the time to talk with me.” “It was my pleasure,” I said, “but a handshake won’t do. I want a big holiday hug!” As I held this sweet, dear man in my arms, I could feel his body shake as he can no longer hold back tears.

As I took my warm milk to the check-out counter, I reflected on the incredible gifts Frank had just given me. First, the gift of perspective. Who cared what didn’t get done today?! I had the freedom and privilege to sleep in a warm bed tonight and enjoy a hot cup of coffee tomorrow. Second, the joy of giving. My heart was full from being able to reciprocate by giving Frank the one gift that’s difficult to find, yet never requires wrapping- the gift of time. Find a way to give yourself this gift, and truly enjoy the HoliDAZE.

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